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Friday, April 14, 2006

The Weather in Wisconsin

Hail, yes.

+90°F: Dangerously hot. Torrid. Insufferable. Check on elderly neighbors, bring pets indoors. Hospitals inundated with heatstroke victims.

+80°F: Very hot! We'd be in trouble wit'out dat air conditioning, eh? Get lots of fluids.

+70°F: Hot.

+60°F: Balmy. Nice day—not too hot.

+50°F: Crisp. In early Autumn, cause for anticipation. In early Springtime, considered hot.

+40°F: Brisk. Fewer kids seen playing outdoors in T-shirts.

+30°F: Bring in the garden hoses! Kids should wear sweatshirts even if they don't want to.

+20°F: Deer huntin' weather, eh? Be sure to get outdoors and enjoy the nice day.

+10°F: Gettin' kinda cold. Time to break out the winter coats!

0°F: Put off washing the car. No more barbeque on the Weber. Start to leave furnace on during the day.

–10°F: Winter's here, oh yay. Wear your good mittens. Close windows in kids' rooms at night. Wisconsites greet each other by saying, "Cold enough for you?" More than half answer, "Nope, not me, I like it!"

–20°F: In summer you make fun of us, but this is why we're fat: fat is darn good insulation. No sledding for the smaller children, if it's windy.

–30°F: Two words: heated dipstick! Pets can sleep inside. Outdoorsmen know what separates the men from the boys: good hats.

–40°F: Cold makes the news. More than a week of this and it reaches the pipes. Even skinflints turn up the furnace.

–50°F: We hardly ever get this nice a cold any more, thanks to that darn global warming. Schools close. Holes for ice fishing hard to keep open without turning on the Coleman in the fishing shed.

–60°F: SUVs won't start. Better put off Wal-Mart trip till tomorrow.

–70°F: Exposed flesh freezes. What the heck is this, Minnesota?

Posted by: MIKE JOHNSTON with Good Friday greetings from Wisconsin

6 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sounds about right...

A Badger from southern WI.

2:24 AM  
Blogger Mike Johnston said...

Thanks for the spellcheck Dan!

--Mike

10:21 AM  
Blogger Dave New said...

Sorry, I thought this was Montana?

Back in December 1984 (or was it 1983?) I drove through North Dakota, when the temperature was -45F, and the wind was 45 mph, for a combined windchill of -100F. The ground blizzard was so bad, we didn't see the sun all day, and could hardly find the road at night. (Fortunately, I had just picked up a brand-new Volvo 245 Turbo station wagon, and aside from the horrible gas mileage we got in that temperature and headwind, it was a real trooper. Our family put over 238,000 miles ["to the Moon, Alice!"] on it over 10 years before it was finally totalled for us by a local ninny.)

I thought the worst was over when we got to the in-law's place in Montana, but the next night the temperature dropped to -65F. When I mentioned this to a passing ham the next day, he informed me that he had just come down from Alaska, where the temperature had hit -90F a few evenings before!

I take Michigan winters in stride, now, after that particular winter.

7:21 PM  
Blogger Mike Johnston said...

That's some serious cold. And actually, Wisconsin winters have been pretty mild recently. The last really bad cold spell I can recall was about ten years ago in Chicago, when (if memory serves) we had ten or twelve days of cold in the teens and twenties below zero F, not including wild chill. I do remember hearing that the city water pipes, which are typically 6 to 8 feet underground, were in danger of freezing if that kind of cold hung around too long.

A few years ago in Wisconsin we had 60 inches of snow in the month of December and almost none the entire rest of the winter. That was pretty freaky!

--Mike

12:36 AM  
Anonymous omrobison said...

Great post Mike, now I can show the missus I ain't the only one who can't stand the hot weather, do me fine if it never got more than 65 all summer, like the long days but not the temps. When its hits 75, too hot even for a light photo vest, I can carry one body and lens plus an extra roll of film in the pocket, thats it.

10:34 PM  
Anonymous Dave Landry said...

10 years ago plus a few days, my father sent me a picture of himself holding up a glass of champagne in his Wisonsin backyard on April 15th (he was celebrating becoming a grandfather for the first time). What was unusual was that there was a sizeable blanket of snow on the ground. Those Wisconsin Aprils - you never know.

1:17 AM  

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